Brad Barrish

The trip is coming to a close. It’s been amazing. I was reflecting upon the last year, and I feel so fortunate. It has been incredible. Before I had this job I would dream about being able to travel internationally for work. I deserve all of it though!

I had to travel by bus from Manchester Picadilly to another train station because the tracks were being worked on. It wasn’t too bad. The train was awesome. I love traveling by train. I literally just stared out of the window for the entir 3.5 hours it took to get back to London. I had a nice conversation with an older Indian woman who had arrive into Manchester from Newark and was going to see her sick father in…ummm…I forgot the city. She pulled out a photo album and showed me her family. It was very sweet how proud she was of everyone. I had to wake her up when the train got to her stop. She was so tired. I spent most of the journey in silence though. Just watching the green pastures, sheep, cows and river zoom by. I was telling my dad that it was just like that typical picture you have of the English countryside. It was so beautiful.

For the last 30 minutes of the train ride, I sat with a woman called Heidi. She was a travel guide for U.S. trips to London, but her real job was an artist. She did interactive installations and has something going in a gallery. We had nice conversation and then said our good-byes. I love talking to complete strangers, especially while traveling. It’s so interesting to speak to people. Audrey tends to make fun of me and ask what the use is, but I just enjoy people. What can I say?

I arrived back in London, went to my hotel, dropped off my bags and then headed over to a small gallery called Proud to see Nirvana: With The Lights Out. It was a photography exhibit by Charles Peterson and Ian Tilton. Shayna told me about it, which I am so thankful for. In addition to the many Nirvana photos, they also had Jeff Buckley, The Who, Bob Marley, Elvis, John Lennon, etc. The Nirvana photos were incredible. I had seen a lot of them in books, but there’s nothing quite like seeing larger prints on a wall. It actually made me a bit emotional. They were playing the Unplugged concert in the gallery, which didn’t help my emotions. There were just some spooky photos that tugged at the hearrt strings. Nirvana were so talented and the music means a lot to me.

I’m relaxing for a bit before I head out on my last night. It’s been a great journey. I got a lot of work done. I’m very much looking forward to coming home to Audrey and Patrick. I miss them both so much. Oh, and if you ever travel abroad and need to call home a lot for any reason, I highly recommend Skype. It rules.

Not looking forward to that 12 hour ride home.

I've been in Manchester since Monday. The company sent me to see Demon Days Live. I was explaining to one of the kind women that I can't even explain the excitement I have been feeling for the past several days. This is my job and it's incredible. Just incredible. We'll just leave it at that in the interest of time.

Last night was the third night I saw the show, which has yet to get old in the least. Damon Albarn is a fucking genius. The show was put together with such sincere thought and love for music that if that sort of thing is lost on you, it's probably best you stay home anyway.

The show blew me away the first night. I had some expectations based on a few things that the company's CEO told me, but it was nothing like I expected. The way the band sat at the back, out of focus while the guests and the music were the focus was amazing. Seeing Nenah Cherry, Bootie Brown, De La Soul, Ike Turner, Roots Manuva, Martina Topley Bird and Shaun Ryder all live on stage was incredible. Shaun was one of the big highlights. The crowd was crazy for him. Every guest was exciting, and I don't mean that as some sort of dismissal. All of them were brilliant. I've gotten chills every single night when Bootie Brown comes out with the children's choir for "Dirty Harry." The strings, backing vocalists and of course the band just made for one of the best live music experiences I've had in my life.

Actually, I’m in our London office right now. How cool is that? London office. All kinds of rock n’ roll posters all around. Yesterday was a bit crazy and I’m sure the lack of sleep wasn’t helping at all. By 6pm in London, I was having to concentrate very hard on everything. I could feel that my thinking was slightly impared. I was obsessively trying not to lose anything. From the moment I stepped off the train into Paddington, things weren’t going well. I got a SIM card so I could get my mobile going, then realzied a short time later that I had left my charger in LA. I had to get another phone, so I got one I would use in the states - a nice black RAZR v3. I wasn’t going to be able to get email anyway, so a phone was all I needed. If anyone feels inclined to say hello, you can text me at (44) 07818-413292. You may have to drop the 0, but I’m not sure. The phone thing was a bit of a pain and I keep running out of minutes.

Then I get to the office and realize the iGo power adapter I bought before I left isn’t working right and won’t charge my PowerBook. Luckily, I was a 5 minute walk from the Apple Store, so off I went. I was really feeling teh fact that I hadn’t eaten in several hours. I picked up the world adaptor kit, got back to the office, then relaized, I needed to actually get a new power adapter (that would be the 5th one Audrey and I own). Did I mention things are expensive here? Anyway, so I finally go everything done, waited a while for an associate and then went to my hotel as he talked dirty to some gal he met the night before. I’m not kidding.

We met up at his hotel, St. Martins Lane, which was quite nice and hip. It’s a Philippe Starck hotel. We went to a she-she Indian place for dinner called The Mint Leaf. The food was quite good, but it was fusion more than traditional. Having some food in me felt great, but I was still pretty pooped. My associate had a friend meet us there. Teh guy used to be Danger Mouse’s roommate in college. He’s going with us to Manchester tomorrow for the show. I’ll be staying in Manchester for the rest of the week.

I landed in London a few hours ago and my head is spinning. I did what I was told and slept as best I could for the last half of the flight. Even took some Tylenol PM to help. The flight was one of the more pleasant ones I have taken. Virgin Atlantic rocks. I’m without a hotel at the moment, but trying to get that fixed. Tomorrow I leave for Manchester to spend time with Gorillaz. More soon. My stomach is rumbling.

Currently playing: Starsailor “In The Crossfire” from their new album, On The Inside. I think it’s the first track. It’s on the latest mix. Their last album was shite, but this one is good.

Brother J IMed me this afternoon to let me know Dad had a tough night. Without sharing too many details, he had terrible stomach and bladder problems. Mom had to take him to the ER. Brother J met her there. I’m not sure what time it all went down, but dad sounded exhausted. I was IMing back and forth with Brother J until I couldn’t do it anymore. Not from work.

I just don’t understand why, if his cancer is inoperable, incurable and will never go into remission, he is putting himself through this. I mean, if he can live a shorter time relatively healthy, which he is now, then what’s the fucking point? I’d rather see him happy and able to do the things he loves for a shorter time than have him suffer through chemo. And there are no guarantees even with the chemo. The clinical trial he is a part of now is 12% effective (according to another doctor). This is a reasonable question!

I had a discussion about all of this with him tonight and he’s in agreement. It’s something that he needs to be thinking about. He knows it’s something he can talk to me about as well. The last time I was home a few weeks ago, we sat down and had a 2-hour conversation about death. It was difficult. We both cried, but ultimately it brought us closer. I’m here for him, Mom, Brother J, and Sister B.

He’s off the chemo for now. They have to adjust the dosage. But he has to realize going through chemo is going to be difficult, and not just for him. He doesn’t want to put himself through this, to say nothing of family and friends. I have questions as to whether he will go through it. I don’t blame him and I wouldn’t be angry if he decided to not go through chemo.

Don't Call It A Comeback

Currently playing: Silversun Pickups "Kissing Families" - It's the 15th song on my Rocktober 2005 mix and it's fucking incredible. I can't get enough of this song (or the album). Two minutes and fifty seconds into the song is my favorite part.

Current location: It's hard to say. I'm on my way home, on an airplane.

The truth is, I've been missing the writing. I've had plenty to say. As Audrey would say, "I've been having all these conversations in my head." So much has been going on and I never know where to begin again. I guess the present is as good as any. I have this tendency to want to catch everyone up on everything, and really, who fucking cares. I'm kidding myself when I think about people reading this stuff. And this isn't some self-depreciating bullshit rant. I just don't care who reads this anymore. I write it for me. It's easier to type on my PowerBook than it is to sit down with one of those big hard-bound notebooks from Borders. Who needs em? I go through spurts. I think I can write every day, but I don't. Invariably, I throw my hands up in the air and wonder why I even have a web site. I used to have the time, and I just don't. Or rather, I don't make time. Between work, being a home owner, trying to get out more and spend as much time as I can with Audrey. A lot of times, that means including her in work-related stuff, like shows. I'm not complaining. It has been one of the most incredible years of my life. My job is a dream from which I hope I never wake. I'm in love and have the most amazing relationship with Audrey. I'm living virtually free of the fears that haunted me less than a year ago.

Sometimes letting go is easier / Dead friends can't come back / They're gone and life goes on / If you try, you'll be alright / If you try, you'll be alright.
(From Turin Brakes "Red Moon")

Death has been on my mind a lot lately. On Tuesday, September 20, I found out my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Actually, he wasn't officially diagnosed until some days later. He was having some severe pain from a kidney stone. When he went to the doctor, they took some scans and found a sizable tumor on his pancreas. Two weeks prior, I was home celebrating his 60th birthday. Pancreatic cancer generally has a very high mortality rate (90-95%) because by the time most people start to show symptoms, it's too late. Before I knew as much as I know now, I thought that perhaps the kidney stone saved his life.At this point, it may have helped prolong it, but only time will tell.

He had his first chemo session this afternoon and now we just wait. Wait to see if he reacts negatively to the treatment. Wait to see if he gets weak from the chemo. Wait to see him fight. He's fighting. Fighting for his life. And I am fighting right next to him, even from Venice, California.

My friends have been my saving grace. They are all so supportive in their own ways. It's amazing, and I am so grateful. My Buddhist friends have gathered at my house (and elsewhere) to chant for my father's health and my family's strength and protection. Initially, I went through an intense several days of utter sadness. The saddest sadness I have ever felt. Lately, I have been doing alright. I have moments, most of which are alone, in the car or while I am chanting in the morning. All I want to do it be there for my family. Come home as often as I can (while trying to maintain a balance), lift my family's spirits, go back to my home to recharge and do it again.

It's extremely difficult to be so far away from everything. I feel left out and sometimes I even feel guilty. I try to think about what my dad would want. Even before he got cancer, I would often think about what advice he would give me in a situation, what he might think of my approach, etc. We are very close and I have a special connection with him. I'm so afraid of losing him. Fuck. So afraid.

Work and home stuff is taking up all of my time. I even forgot to snap photos throughotu some of the process, which sucks. This weekend was the first weekend in the new house. We moved in last weekend, so I guess that was the official first one, but I’m trying to erase it from memory. Yes, it was that bad. We did finally get hot water last week after cold showers. The fridge came on Thursday, which means we can actually keep leftovers from the never-ending take out that we keep doing. All of the other appliances arrived on Friday, but we still have to hook things up. I’m looking forward to the washing machine and dryer more than anything else. I’m really scraping the bottom of the wardrobe at this point.

The bamboo floors are gorgeous. I’m amazed at how incredible they look. We still have the master bedroom left to do, which should be done on Tuesday. Trim will have to be installed after that, which could take another few days.

I spent Saturday with Audrey’s mum (Oona), who spent the night in the guest room. She just moved to Los Angeles from Temecula and is selling real estate in Venice. She lives with a friend of Audrey’s who had a boy visiting and felt weird with Oona in the apartment, so she asked her to leave. How rude. It’s not like Oona hasn’t heard sex noises before. Anyway, she helped a lot on Saturday. We moved boxes and unpacked as much as we could, put up the bracket for the plasma (which Audrey and I will put up later), went to Home Depot and Fry’s and was very supportive. I spent almost $300 on cables for the TV, TiVo and DVD player. One of the things we didn’t find while unpacking was the cable box. It’s not a problem right now, but it will be soon. I guess I can ask Comcast to bring another one.

I spent the day working on phone wiring, ethernet wiring and some outdoor activity with Patrick. I installed new jacks for voice and data in the front bedrooms, configured a second router in my office to expand wireless coverage in the house, which helped a lot. When I was at Home Depot I picked up a wall-mounted wiring box, which will be installed in Audrey’s office and will have the main router and cable modem. It’ll be nice not having a bunch of wires all over the place. I’m exausted. It’s so nice to sit on the sofa. Oh, and speaking of the sofa, I had to hire someone from Craigs List to move it from the garage into the house. It was a major pain in the ass. He picked up a Mexican at Home Depot on the way over. I probably overpaid the guys, but it was worth not having to do it myself. The sofa weighs at least 300 lbs. and is huge.

We're in the new place now. We moved all weekend into our house that has no hot water, barely any light, three rooms filled with more stuff than we have room for, a phone that doesn't work, paper "blinds," dry wall dust everywhere and did I mention all the stuff we have no room for? On the brighter side, we don't have three residences anymore, we have a bedroom set up as our oasis, no TV, painted walls and wireless internet connectivity.

Here's the quick recap of our weekend... Slept in until 7am, packed for a while, waited for the movers who were 4 hours late, didn't have enough boxes or tape, took 4 hours to move, lost Patrick for a while, went on a bike ride with a flat tire to find him, yelled his name like a crazy person, started panicking, looked all over for him some more, rode to the beach asking if anyone had seen a brown dog off-leash, found him in a parking garage, took him home, dropped the load off at the house, went to Audrey's, got another full truck, 15 hours later...dropped it off at the house and said they would be there the next morning at 8am. Woke up at 7am the next morning (at the new house), drove to my apartment to meet them there, waited for another 2.5 hours, loaded up the rest of the stuff, the cleaning lady showed up right on time, couldn't speak much English at all, but was so sweet, I nearly forgot, left her there to go help at Audrey's because they had to pick up more stuff there that they couldn't get with the first trip, picked up Celina and took her to Audrey's to clean, went to get food, stopped by Home Depot to get some spackle for the holes in the wall at my old apartment to insure that I get every penny of my security deposit, dropped Audrey off at the house, patched up the holes, got home, unloaded the car, tried to light the pilot light on the water heater but the gas was off, woke Audrey, upset Audrey, got Starbucks with Audrey, went back to Audrey's old apartment, picked up her iMac and the cleaning supplies, ate some dinner, came home, had a cold shower, set up a desk for Audrey, checked email, wrote this and...

I'm at the apartment relaxing for the first time this weekend and just uploaded a bunch of new photos from the week. Audrey and I have been waking up at 6 or 7am the entire weekend, going to the house (or going to work in Audrey's case) and watching the workers do their thing. The entire week is a bit of a blur, but here's what I remember...

There were some tears and yelling this weekend. From what everyone tells me, it's a normal thing when your renovating or building a house. Neither one of us stays angry for long. Audrey has been at the house every day, managing all of the workers. I got a hint of what she does every day during the week and I have no idea how she does it and then goes to the store to close. I think the biggest deal this week was the demolition debris. We had to have someone take it away for us. I remembered seeing those 1-800-GOT-JUNK trucks around town and read an article about them in a magazine or something, so we decided to give them a try. It was a nightmare. They showed up late, didn't take everything away and we still had to pay them. And it wasn't that they didn't have room to take the stuff, they just didn't want to finish the job. Oh, and that same day Comcast was supposed to come sometime between 9am and 1pm. They were running late, so we rescheduled for this weekend. Audrey waited around the house that day forever and was so pissed about it. What the fuck are normal working people supposed to do with a 9am-1pm installation window?? Who has the time (besides me on the weekend?). It ended up be a blessing of sorts. More on that later.

Audrey won her 36" range, mainly because she didn't call the Barrett's appliances in time to change the order. I don't think it's going to be that big of a deal, but I still think a 30" range was plenty. All of the appliances are on their way, but we won't have the delivered until the floors are done. That won't be for almost 2 weeks.

All weekend I did what Audrey does every day of the week. I went to home depot a few times, watched the workers dry wall the kitchen and living room and removed molding. The removal of molding isn't easy, but I knew it needed to get done for the tapers tomorrow, so I pitched in. The workers had more important things to worry about like getting the built-in where all the AV components will live completed. One of the guys came up with a great idea for the built-in. One of the problems was that I was going to have a hard time getting to the back of the components to connect everything. As it stands now (which you can see in the photos) is that the built-in is a closet that we opened up. We were going to just patch over the door because it's going to get in the way of a hanger bar in the walk-in closet. Instead, we're just going to make a panel that sits flush with the wall that you can remove if need be. Since I won't need to get back there often at all, it will work out well.

We ran into a couple of problems this weekend. The first one was that the electrician didn't finish the kitchen. We had to call his boss, who was nice enough to come out on a Sunday to clean up his employee's work. It was holing up the closing of the kitchen, so it's a good thing we got it done. The tapers were supposed to show up this afternoon as well, but they didn't and the general contractor that Audrey is working with wasn't around to make any calls. The good thing is that Audrey and I measured the kitchen a few times, made final decisions about the cabinetry and Audrey drove to Ikea in Burbank to work out the details and order the cabinetry. Very exciting. Too bad we won't be able to enjoy that when we move in at the end of the month.

There was quite a bit of press surrounding the announcement of Network LIVE. One of the more enjoyable pieces was from PaidContent.org.

As we reported first last night, the new AOL-AEG-XM venture is being announced today at a press conference by AOL Chairman & CEO Jon Miller...the venture is called "Network Live". Besides Kevin Wall, Andrew Thau, the former president and CEO of VOY, the Latino-focused media company, is the COO of the venture. Mike Bonifer, former creative head at iXL, is the VP of Creative at Network Live. Brad Barrish, who previously worked at Wherehouse Music, is the VP of content development.

They were reporting before the announcement was made and didn't do much in the way of fact checking. First of all, I'm not a VP, though content development is in my title. Second, they make it sound as though I worked in a Wherehouse Music store before joining up with Network LIVE, which reads kinda funny. That's quite a promotion. I did work for Wherehouse Entertainment (who owned Wherehouse Music stores) once upon a time, so they weren't way off.