Brad Barrish

I’m usually the one behind the camera, but during the Ultimate Fakebook video shoot I was goofing around on Eric’s drums. Someone snapped a photo of me. I thought it was so funny that I sent it to my friend Shayna, who I knew would also find it amusing. She had to go and make it even more amusing. And no, I cannot play drums.

Since the real Friday Five is not being published this week, I figured I would make one up. Feel free to leave you own answers.

1) What is the latest and greatest album you have been listening to? That’s a touch one. I would have to say it’s a tie between My Vitriol - Finelines and Queens Of The Stone Age - Songs For The Deaf. Both of these albums provide the essential rock that my mind and body require at this time.

2) What’s the last CD you downloaded in its entirety? Oasis - Heathen Chemistry. Come and get me Liam.

3) What’s in your wallet? I don’t really carry a wallet. I keep my PDA (a Sony Clie NR70) in a case that barely holds my ID, a couple of credit cards and my KCRW Fringe Benefits card. I’m notorious for not carrying cash, but when I do, it’s in my front pocket.

4) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I would most definitely change my current state of employment, which is lack thereof. It’s great that I can go to bed at 3 or 4am and wake up whenever my internal alarm goes off, but I’m not making any money doing that.

5) When was the last time you had a good cry? Kind of personal, but the last time was when I watched the John Lennon documentary, “Imagine.” I cried at the end when they were showing all of the footage of people gathered in New York after John was murdered. I have a vague memory of seeing the news about it and I think my parents were sad about it as well. Things like that inevitably get you thinking about what the person would be doing if they had not died.

1) Where are you right now? Sitting on my red velvet chaise. I’m pooped. I had every intention of running errands and getting food, but after riding my skateboard a little too far (and back), I’m not feeling so motivated to do much more that write. It requires very little movement.

2) What have you lost recently? Here was my original answer to this question: I recently lost my virginity. It was disastrous and I cannot explain the utter embarrassment of the whole situation. I’m terribly uncomfortable with my body, so you can imagine how I must have felt. It felt good, but didn’t last very long. The girl was very nice about everything, but she put her clothes on and left within minutes. So I’m a late bloomer.

I decided that people might take it seriously, so here’s my backup answer:

I’ve recently lost interest in trying to see every concert I can possibly see. I suppose the fact that I’m poor has something to do with it, but I also think it’s a matter of shunning the idea that I have some sort of obligation to go see live music so I have writing material for jeansandatshirt.com. Obligation sucks, and while my intentions for the site were pure, I just am not enjoying it much. It could be a passing phase. Who knows. I like this kind of writing better.

3) What was the first CD you ever purchased? My first CD purchase was actually two CDs. One was Prince 1999. I don’t know what happened to the CD, but I recently re-purchased it and it still sounds just as good as it did when I bought it the first time. That album is one of the best albums of all time. Everyone should own it. The other was U2 Rattle And Hum. While not their best album, by a long shot, it has some great songs on it. I was already familiar with their earlier music and filled in the blanks at a later date.

4) What is your favorite kind of writing pen? There are only two pens that I write with, for the most part. A Uni-Ball Vision (micro) in blue or black ink and an Ultra Fine Point Sharpie in black, though I have all of the colors they come in. I don’t like pencil because it fades, though I use a A.G. Spalding & Bros. when I write in some journals because I don’t like the ink to bleed through to the other side. They also make some damn fine pens as well. Do I sound anal about my writing utensils? I am.

5) What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia comes to mind, though I also enjoy many of the other fine flavor they have to offer.

“Hi Mr. Barrish. We have had your clothes since April. If you could please come and get them as soon as possible, we would appreciate it.”

Look, I know you’ve had my clothes since April, and frankly I’m a little disappointed you didn’t call sooner. And just for the record, there’s a comforter cover there as well. I apologize for it taking up so much precious space and all, but I have better things to do with what little money I have these days. As much as I would like to pick up clothes that I never wear and a comforter cover that my dog has stained, which most likely looks exactly the same as when I brought it to you, it’s just not going to happen right now.

You’re just going to have to hang on to my clean clothes and comforter cover a little while longer. At least they’re clean, right? I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but I just can’t bring myself to pick everything up. At this point I’m a little too embarrassed. While the tone of your voicemail was calm, I feel that at the very least I would be charged interest and possibly lynched for using your dry cleaning facility as my closet. I’m just a little afraid to show my face there, okay? I’m sure you understand. Thanks for sewing the button back on the shirt I never wear.

I’m not talking out-of-the-pot-or-oven dead rabbit. No sir. I’m talking been-dead-for-a-couple-of-weeks-under-a-tree dead rabbit. It’s among the most vile smells, to be sure. What made matters worse was the fact that the smell had legs (and wings). My dog didn’t seem to mind it much. Matter of fact, she thought it was so nice that she rolled around on the rotting carcus. Now, she knows better than that. Sure, she rolls in the cool grass on a hot day, but it wasn’t really hot and she had just been in the swimming pool (against her will). Couldn’t she have urinated on the thing instead of marking it with her entire body?

To make matters worse, I was at a friend’s parents’ house. I was helpless without knowledge of where to find the tools to battle such a malodorous emanation. I would need to borrow rubber gloves and shampoo immediately. They couldn’t argue once the stench had invaded the entire backyard and was making it’s way into the house. All entrances to the house in the immediate vicinity were shut, rubber gloves were produced and the Costco bottle of Finesse for dry skin was brought out. Everyone was on the verge of vomiting and Holly just didn’t understand any of it. I was panicking that she was going to be stuck with the odor while all the flies in the neighborhood were enjoying the moment and Holly was terrified by the site of the hose. She knew what was coming.

After a couple of washes and deciding that she was back to smelling like a wet dog that just shampooed with Finesse, the panic slowly subsided. The collar and gloves were promptly disposed of, so as not to attract vultures. Though slightly traumatized, Holly ate her dinner and crashed in front of the TV with the rest of us. I may have to do a line or two of vinegar to get the smell out of my nose.

I don’t know what to say, but fuck if I didn’t laugh real hard. Quite possibly some of the most disturbingly funny short films I have seen. Thank you, Zefrank.

[Note: These are the things that people find when they are unemployed.]

I NEED A JOB! Just thought I would put that out there. Here’s my resume. Hire me. Someone. Please.

In August 1999, the world saw the first public release of Napster. That moment set off a chain of events that, to this day, provides hours and pages of debate. Napster wasn’t the first technology to become the whipping post of the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA), but rather the latest, and probably the most publicly debated.

The technology used to copy music has been around for three decades or more. When blank cassettes and consumer recorders were introduced in the 1970s, the RIAA pronounced impending doom. Sales of recorded music would sink and people would stop buying as much music as they used to. Even Alan Greenspan said, “Unless something meaningful is done, the industry itself is at risk.”

The Digital Home Recording Act was passed by Congress in 1992, mostly due to the lobbying of the RIAA and other such organizations. The act insured that digital audiotapes (DAT), and other devices that allow personal copying of music would be required to incorporate technology that would prevent consumers from making a copy of a copy from a copy. In other words, if you were to make a copy of something on a device, there would have to be technology in place that would prevent someone else from making copies from the copy you made. The act further mandates that a tariff be paid on each recording device sold. All of this meant that DAT never caught on as a consumer device, though it’s widely used in the professional audio business.

Let’s be clear about something: the RIAA is not out to protect consumers’ interest. It is out to protect the record companies. Their mission statement reads as follows:

“The Recording Industry Association of America is the trade group that represents the U.S. recording industry. Its mission is to foster a business and legal climate that supports and promotes our members’ creative and financial vitality. Its members are the record companies that comprise the most vibrant national music industry in the world. RIAA members create, manufacture and/or distribute approximately 90% of all legitimate sound recordings produced and sold in the United States.

In support of this mission, the RIAA works to protect intellectual property rights worldwide and the First Amendment rights of artists; conduct consumer industry and technical research; and monitor and review – state and federal laws, regulations and policies.”

Their goal, as stated above, is to see to it that the record companies make money. There’s nothing wrong with this, but when they seek to control and mandate what consumers can and cannot do with music that they purchase, therein lies a problem. If the RIAA, record companies and other such organizations had their way, trading files on the Internet would not be allowed (without proper payment), ripping (or digitally extracting) music from CDs that you purchase to make your own compilations, put on a portable digital device or play on your computer would not be allowed either. In the eyes of the RIAA, all of the above is the same as stealing, and furthermore has and will continue to cause a decline in the sale of pre-recorded material.

The music industry has seen the largest decrease of music sales in the last ten years (5 percent overall, but approximately 12 percent from the same period last year). Research done by firms such as In-Stat/MDR, the labels, scholars and especially the RIAA say that decline in sales is due, by and large, to the downloading of music over the Internet. While that may be partially true, many studies fail to take into account that over the last ten years the prices of CDs have gone up even though the economy has been declining, especially over the last few years. Consumers are also much more savvy than the record companies would like to think. They don’t want to pay twenty dollars for the one song they heard on the radio, and in many cases that’s exactly what’s being sold. Essentially, the labels are asking consumers to pay twenty dollars for a single. Consumers know how much it costs to manufacture a CD and in protest, some are turning to the Internet to get their music for free.

The number of people who download music from the Internet without any intention to purchase, I believe, is less than those who intend to buy. In fact, a study done by Jupiter Media Matrix said that Internet users who download music from unauthorized peer to peer (P2P) services are more likely to increase their music purchases. A whopping 34 percent said that they spent more money on music than before they started using P2P services, while 15 percent said they spent less. The remaining 50 percent said their purchasing habits did not change.

This all proves one thing: the music industry is missing out on a great way to promote music, and more importantly, make money. Their biggest mistake was shutting down Napster, and now they’ve got real trouble on their hands. They can shut down services like AudioGalaxy (which they did recently), but while they sit around patting themselves on the back, thinking they are winning the war, a new technology is born that is much more difficult to trace, therefore proving that it’s only a small battle that they have won.

[DISCLAIMER: The purpose of this article is to inspire intelligent discussion, educate and empower you as a consumer (who hopefully gives a shit). I’m not an academic writer and I don’t pretend to be one. While I’ve read many articles, studies and legal documents, I’m not an expert. I do consider myself a well-informed person on the subject. The article is full of information for which I do not cite my sources, but these are my words and opinions. I will provide links to all of the articles, studies and legal documents at the conclusion of this article.]

[WARNING: The photos attached to this story contain from-the-waist-up nudity. If you are offended by such things, perhaps you should just go away.]

I was tired of having hair. Driving with the windows rolled down was out of the question and forget about running my fingers through it. Both scenarios would result in a disgusting afro mess. Either I started using product to keep it in line or it was coming off. Those were the two choices. Hair just shouldn’t be so much work. So, it came off.

It’s not that I didn’t think about it. When I was in Kansas last week the humidity overpowered the conditioner that usually calms it down a bit. Visions of shaving my head started entering my thoughts. It became inevitable. Just before I made the final decision, I stared into the bathroom sink in between glances at myself. The face needed a shave as well. It was difficult to picture myself with a shaved head again. I had done it once before.

I went into my office to get some large scissors for the initial cut. There’s was just no way of getting clippers through my hair without giving myself a sloppy chop to begin with. I cut and cut some more. Have you ever grabbed a mass of your own hair and cut it? The sound is somewhat disturbing. It falls somewhere between the ripping of a cotton shirt and fingers down a chalk board.

The top was first. I wanted to at least have a little fun with it. You know, the reverse mohawk and stuff. Hair was all over the place. As much as I tried to get it all in the sink, it ended up on the floor, in my eyes, in my ears, under my finger nails and it clogged my clippers in no time. The amount of hair in the sink was incredible.

I jumped in the shower and did what people do in there. I didn’t need to use much shampoo and the conditioner went untouched. Perhaps I’ll just let it grow out, so I can do it all over again. For the time being, I’m going to enjoy driving with the windows rolled down.

1) …sent a handwritten letter? I wrote my dad a letter for Father’s Day. Other than holidays of that nature, you won’t find me handwriting much of anything. On ocassion I hand write my journal entries or other writing, but most of the time it’s all done on the computer.

2) …baked something from scratch or made something by hand? My defintion of baking is putting something in the micorowave, cooking something pre-packaged on the stove or warming something up in the toaster oven. The last time I cooked something was at least a year ago, if not longer. I honestly don’t even remember.

3) …camped in a tent? The last time I camped in a tent was on New Year’s Eve 2000. I was in Sequoia National Park with my dog and girlfriend at the time. If it wasn’t the best New Year’s I have ever had, then it was at the very least, the most beautiful. We had a fire going and just watched the stars and froze our asses off. It was seventeen degrees when we woke up in the morning.

4) …volunteered your time to church, school, or community? I volunteer my time to you, dear readers, every time I post to this site or the other one. Isn’t that enough? I give money to good causes and email a lot of letters to politicians about issues I care about.

5) …helped a stranger? I’ll just post a journal entry from November 9, 2001 to answer this one.

I had to do something to make me feel a little human…or something. It was actually a friend’s suggestion to take a walk down Hollywood Blvd, which I have never done in the nearly four years that I have lived in Los Angeles. So I drove to Hollywood and Highland, parked and set out walking up and down Hollywood Blvd. to look for some homeless people to give some money to. I didn’t give everything away because I really didn’t run in to that many. As a matter of fact, the first guy that I saw sitting down against a wall with his legs pulled into his chest, I asked, “Can I help you?”

“Are you a cop,” he replied.

I chuckled and shook my head, “no.”

He said he was looking for crack or dope. I said I really couldn’t help him out with that. I even offered him some money, but he didn’t take it.

The next guy I ran in to had just gotten in from Denver via the Greyhound. He was a trashy punk kid that probably hadn’t showered in a while. He said he painted houses and it was getting too cold in Colorado, so he decided to come here. I sat and talked with him for a while. He was a 20 year-old with broken teeth and some crusty blood on his lip.

I sat squated down next to him. I asked him what he was going to do. He said he was going to get a job counselor and get some food stamps while he was here and look for work. I asked if he would be able to find work very easily and he replied with an enthusiastic, “yes.”

“Last time I was in town, I found work in no time,” he explained.

I asked if he wrote or read and he pulled out some science fiction book that was stuffed in his sleeping bag that was attached to his backpack.

“I go to the library during the day and check out some books and magazines, mostly. I also use the Internet.”

I had to wonder what he used the Internet for, but I did’t ask. I didn’t feel sorry for him. I didn’t feel anything really. I spoke to him as a human being and not down to him in any way. I told him to take care, gave him a few bucks and continued on my way.

It was amazing to me what Hollywood Blvd. looked like. I don’t know what I was expecting. It was certainly looking a lot cleaner. They’re building the area up to look like Times Square or something. I saw a lot stars on the sidewalk, of course.

I just kept walking. Eventually I made it to La Brea, crossed the street and walked east again. They were blocking a major section of the street off for a film, so I had to turn around and cross to the other side of the street. I peaked in some stores and just watched the sidewalk pass before my feet. It was nice to be out and maybe I was doing something good, if not for me, for a few other people. I stopped at a newsstand on the corner of Cuheanga and picked up a back of smokes. A guy was wheeling himself across the intersecion that I was about to cross. I looked at him.

“Can you help a homeless guy out?” he asked.

“Yeah, of course,” I replied.

“God bless you.”

I smiled," no, God bless you."

“Why do you say that?”

“Because we’re all just human, man.”

He stuck out his filthy hand to shake. I stared at the stub left from an amputated leg for a second. I took his hand in mine and shook it. That felt good. Though I didn’t dare do anything with that hand. I found myself afraid of what filth was now on my hand. I crossed the intersection, smoking my cigarette.

As I got close to Highland again I ran into the punk that I gave some money to. He was with a couple of other young punks and a little puppy. They asked if I could spare some change for a burger or something. I gave them a five to split. One of them, a kid with a mohawk, asked if he could buy a smoke off me. I politely said no, but said I would give him some. I pulled out several smokes from my pack and handed them over. He thanked me and I was on my way.