Thank you for jumping on this last-minute Zoom meeting. As you’re all well aware, this has been a great year for us. Profits are at an all-time high. Our stock price is at an all-time high. Growth projections for the coming year are through the roof. You all have done an amazing job ushering in a new era of success for this company. So amazing, in fact, that we have no choice but to let you all go.

SMH McSweeney’s still got it.

It’s the end of the web as we know it. The end of wading through unhelpful results to get reliable information?! OMG what ever will the advertisers do?? Publishers and content owners will license their content, the AI Answer Companies will pass along the costs to consumers just as they’re used to accessing everything for free, subsidized by venture capital and it will just become another monthly subscription. What am I missing?

I’ve been a long-time IFTTT user and have been on their “forever” grandfathered Legacy Pro Plan, but wouldn’t you know… forever isn’t actually forever after all. I plan to cancel my subscription and hope many others do as well. While I don’t have anything mission-critical using IFTTT, it’s definitely annoying to have to look for alternatives.